Friday, 5 Jan AM

Peeking out at Daddy

Tommy
Tommy is still hanging in there. He had a bunch (10-15) episodes of "low sats" (low oxygen saturation in his blood) last night. They only last from 5-30 seconds and then things are back to normal. It sets off alarms, and the nurses come and rub his back or move him around a little, and that takes care of the problem. They say that his brain is just immature and forgets to fully breath sometimes. So, they put the tubing that extends just a little way into his nostrils back in--it is not delivering any oxygen, but instead, it just gives a little positive pressure to his lungs to help remind him to breath.
Brain Ultrasound
Tommy's ultrasound came back about the same as last weeks. It was not any worse, so that is good, but it is not much better either. The Dr. reminded us that things like this generally don't change over night. They may take weeks or months. Having this low level of bleeding, he thought, should not raise his risk of mental retardation or any other problems over his already increased risk by being premature.
Tricia and I
Tricia is doing well physically. We both find that this whole experience has been emotionally overwhelming. I am tired, but I get plenty of sleep--even a nap after lunch. Tricia is the same way. While I don't find myself worrying very much, you can't help to think about the end results of all of this and what we can do now to help...the kangaroo care is really important for both Tommy and us, and us being here is also good for Tommy. I have decided that Tricia won't be able to be the sole provider for Tommy during the rest of his stay at the NICU--she is going to need a few days away from this every couple of weeks...like Tricia said, the NICU is just emotionally draining...it is kind of like Disney World--it is wonderful to be there and we love to see Tommy, but after you walk out the doors, you feel the weight of what you just experienced. It is a daunting task for a parent to see his little baby boy frail and helpless with tubes all over--I have great hope for the future, and I am thankful for God's love and everyone's support, but it is still very tough to see him that way.

I found an article a preemie mom wrote in a magazine I was reading--I think she summed up Tricia and my feelings really well. This is hard for me to read without becoming emotional...she wrote:

While I was busy planning a picture perfect future for our family, life took an unexpected turn. We never planned on having a preemie. We also never planned on depending on such wonderful neighbors...We never planned on becoming so close to to othher parents in the NICU sometimes not even knowing their names. And finally, we never planned so many prayers would be said for [our family] during the most difficult time of our lives. Ben's birth at 24 weeks cahnged our lives. We have learned to love unconditionally. As parents of a preemie, we don't worry about a 5 or 10-year plan for him. We celebrate life each and every day just by looking into his precious little face.

Like I told Tricia--no matter how this whole thing turns out. No matter whether Tommy is mentally challenged or worse, God has blessed us with a precious little boy created in His own image, and the more time we get to spend with him, the more we are blessed.